We’ve all lost close friends. There isn’t always a why or how it happens. Sometimes, it just does, and all you can do is accept it and move on. Best friends who you know, are supposed to stick through thick and thin with you. Keyword: supposed. I always thought I was a better person because of the people I kept in my “Sister Circle”, but it has been a painful year of learning that I’m better without those that left.
There are a few reasons why we fall apart. But you have to accept that some friendships do not last, and that it is okay. You have to learn how to stop blaming yourself because sometimes there are reasons why you have to let go of some people.
Let’s be very honest; it’s not an easy process. Regardless of whether you loathe or love them, it’s never easy. To lose a friend you had seen as a constant is a massive shakeup.
In Reality, it is hard it is to maintain friendships when you aren’t living in the same place or seeing each other every day. So, you spend a lot of time with yourself. You keep yourself “busy.” You forget that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You assume that your friends are too “busy” for you. You go months without talking. All of this time apart from them makes you hyper-analyze your friendships. You speculate the hypothetical reasons why you and your friend aren’t talking.
Maybe being roommates did not work out, or they owe you money, or maybe they didn’t identify with a period of grief in your life and didn’t know how to help you. Your attempt to repair your friendship unintentionally screwed up others in the process. Perhaps you said something to them that you didn’t mean. You have to be the friend who initiates reaching out. Or, you’re a friend who is hard to get a hold of.
Maybe you lost touch because you don’t have time to think about other people and their life’s drama when you are trying to navigate through your own.
In your twenties, you are still figuring out what it means to be an adult and learning the harsh realities of society. Growing up means that we also have to grow apart. You miss making fun of each other in the group chat, weekly “Wine Down” accompanied by your favorite reality shows, or having brunch on Sundays. You may also continuously reminisce over old photographs and ask wonder why you and your friends suddenly grew apart. But you have to move on and accept that everything has changed. Sure, it’s painful. But it’s normal.
Longevity does NOT equal loyalty.
We may try to spend time with each other, but then we face the reality that the magic is gone, and it is not as easy as before. You are not kids anymore. The bonding common interests, inside jokes, and memories from way back is gone. But, the worst is when smooth flowing banter turn into awkward conversations and the friends you used to have lunch dates with suddenly turn into total strangers.
You cannot blame anyone for anything. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just how it is.
You have to learn to accept that sometimes it’s not healthy to hang on to some people for so long because it won’t help you become the person you want to be—it won’t help you learn, it won’t help you grow.
Sure, it’s amazing how some friendships last, but you have to wake up to the reality that not every friendship does. You can’t always hold on to people and memories even as much as you want to. You have to accept that goodbye is not easy, and hello after that are even harder. You have to learn that it’s neither your fault nor theirs; it’s just how things are and that’s just how life is.
Some friendships don’t last, and it’s okay. Trust me, I’ve lost a few good ones. And you will too.